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There are times in life when the only thing that’ll help is a big cry – like when your boss is bollocking you and you’re seeking a bit of sympathy, or when you’re faking a traumatic event to get out of a bad date.
But there are less pathetic reasons to cry, too. Shedding a tear at a genuinely sad film, or coming face-to-face with your dead grandad at his open-casket funeral aged 14 are both very good reasons to cry.
I didn’t cry at any of the above, because I can’t. While serial cryers weep at the Waitrose Christmas advert, or go home and sob to let off steam, I stare at the wall ’til my eyes burn and then… nothing. My eyes only well up maybe once or twice a year, when I bash my little toe on the inconveniently placed side table that I haven’t bothered to move for four years.
Welcome: the Kryolan Tear Stick, a wax stick in a lipstick mechanism that, when rubbed under the eyes, induces tears on cue (it contains menthol and camphor extracts). Priced at under a tenner, it was once used by aspiring actress and writer Annie Hamilton, who recently admitted to using it for an audition.
But as well as being a handy tool to bag roles, she reckons the Tear Stick has many more uses. Apparently, you can use it at “parties when no one’s paying attention to you,” at “therapy so my shrink can see how hard things have been lately,” or during a “breakup, especially if you are the breaker-upper and you’re scared you won’t be able to show your partner how much you used to care.” Pretty great, if you ask me.
Other uses for the Kryolan Tear Stick include*:
1). Getting your own way
2). Freaking out a potential murderer
3). Avoiding a fine on the train
4). Pulling a sickie (best if done over Zoom)
5). Getting out of a meeting
6). Bagging a flight upgrade
7). Not seeming like a stone cold cow at an Adele concert
8). Getting the guy at the offie to let you off a few quid
*Accuracy of results cannot be confirmed
TJ Sidhu, Junior Editor
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These days, I’ll cry at pretty much anything: the news, Instagram reels of animals doing mundane things, a really nice sunset, Davide and Ekin-Su’s date on Love Island. Stupid stuff, really.
Now, as an actor, if you’d rather spend 10 quid to make yourself cry rather than relive some old trauma, fair enough. But using the mighty Tear Stick to fake real emotion and bag yourself some attention outside of audition settings? That’s just getting high on your fake tears supply.
Not to mention Kryolan’s main ingredient is menthol! Rubbing menthol under your eyes – one of the face’s most sensitive areas – sounds like it’d send skincare TikTok into a rightful frenzy. In fact, it’s making me want to cry right now.
Nothing can replace the catharsis of a proper weep, real tears and all. The Cut published this handy guide to making yourself cry when you really need to but can’t, while studies even suggest that real, salt of the earth crying can flush stress hormones and toxins out of our system.
Sounds like putting some time and effort into a good weep might be worth it. Or if you really have to, carry an onion around in your back pocket. At least you’ll save some money.
Jade Wicks, Staff Writer
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No Kryolan, no cry? Deal with it. You can’t be good at everything.