The Big Mood: Michael Gove inad­ver­tent­ly help­ing a cocaine-user avoid jail time

One week, one mood: Moya Lothian-Mclean’s deep-dive into the feel of the week.

For cen­turies we’ve been mer­ri­ly pootling along, safe in the belief that what­ev­er laws the rich and pow­er­ful elite breach, there will be absolute­ly no con­se­quences. Well, sor­ry folks, but that dream is over. Say good­bye to tra­di­tion and hel­lo, chaos!” because appar­ent­ly we’re now hold­ing the peo­ple who gov­ern this rainy isle account­able” for their actions”. Seems fake but okay!

In a con­tin­u­a­tion of a sto­ry that just refus­es to be buried, it seems Michael Gove has pos­si­bly, acci­den­tal­ly set a new prece­dent with his admis­sion that he may have dab­bled in Peru­vian march­ing pow­der dur­ing his younger and even more gorm­less days.

Case in point: ear­li­er this week, a judge spared a 28-year-old gak enthu­si­ast, who was up on charges of pos­ses­sion, by cit­ing the for­mer Lord Chancellor’s lack of pun­ish­ment for the same behav­iour. #lucky

Instead Judge Owen Davies QC – appar­ent­ly a leg­end and a schol­ar – sen­tenced Giedrius Arba­ci­auskas (of Essex, ofc) to a 12-month con­di­tion­al dis­charge for being caught with two grams of the white stuff, stat­ing: He should suf­fer no more for dab­bling in cocaine than should a for­mer Lord Chan­cel­lor.” (Not pic­tured: the nudge, nudge, wink, wink” inference.)

This, to me, is a huge vibe and clear­ly the only instance, ever, that Michael Gove could even be asso­ci­at­ed with the con­cept of ban­ter”. It is pos­si­bly one of the biggest whoops!” moods of all-time. We’ve all been there, haven’t we? Made a lit­tle mis­take at work, say, acci­den­tal­ly jammed the print­er. Delet­ed that real­ly impor­tant meet­ing from your boss’ cal­en­dar and not noticed until after the fact. Had one too many bevs at the Christ­mas par­ty and told Lucy From Accounts about her boyfriend hit­ting on you at her birth­day, out of female sol­i­dar­i­ty”. Done a few lines and inad­ver­tent­ly helped spare a cocaine-user jail time. Voops! 

Why does this feel so sat­is­fy­ing? Per­haps it is because, for the first time, the priv­i­lege that some­one like Michael Gove wields, the Teflon-esque aura that pro­tects promi­nent pub­lic fig­ures and most right-wing politi­cians (because let’s face it, the left can’t even do so much as sip on a moji­to with­out get­ting slammed), might be wear­ing just thin enough for them to suf­fer some sort of reper­cus­sion. The gen­er­al pop­u­lace seem to be slow­ly com­ing round to the idea that per­haps we shouldn’t oper­ate on a one rule for them, anoth­er for us”model of gov­er­nance. Maybe the law should be… uni­ver­sal­ly applied? Sor­ry, stu­pid thought I know, I’m try­ing to delete it. 

But Gove’s lit­tle snow-capped fol­ly has had con­se­quences that for once, ben­e­fit the lit­tle man. Some­how cocaine usage has become an unlike­ly bea­con of a strive towards leg­is­la­tion being applied with­out excep­tion. And you can’t get more oops!” than that. 

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