The Big Mood: Michael Gove inadvertently helping a cocaine-user avoid jail time

For centuries we’ve been merrily pootling along, safe in the belief that whatever laws the rich and powerful elite breach, there will be absolutely no consequences. Well, sorry folks, but that dream is over. Say goodbye to tradition and ​“hello, chaos!” because apparently we’re now holding the people who govern this rainy isle ​“accountable” for their ​“actions”. Seems fake but okay!

In a continuation of a story that just refuses to be buried, it seems Michael Gove has possibly, accidentally set a new precedent with his admission that he may have dabbled in Peruvian marching powder during his younger and even more gormless days.

Case in point: earlier this week, a judge spared a 28-year-old gak enthusiast, who was up on charges of possession, by citing the former Lord Chancellor’s lack of punishment for the same behaviour. #lucky

Instead Judge Owen Davies QC – apparently a legend and a scholar – sentenced Giedrius Arbaciauskas (of Essex, ofc) to a 12-month conditional discharge for being caught with two grams of the white stuff, stating: ​“He should suffer no more for dabbling in cocaine than should a former Lord Chancellor.” (Not pictured: the ​“nudge, nudge, wink, wink” inference.)

This, to me, is a huge vibe and clearly the only instance, ever, that Michael Gove could even be associated with the concept of ​“banter”. It is possibly one of the biggest ​“whoops!” moods of all-time. We’ve all been there, haven’t we? Made a little mistake at work, say, accidentally jammed the printer. Deleted that really important meeting from your boss’ calendar and not noticed until after the fact. Had one too many bevs at the Christmas party and told Lucy From Accounts about her boyfriend hitting on you at her birthday, out of ​“female solidarity”. Done a few lines and inadvertently helped spare a cocaine-user jail time. Voops!

Why does this feel so satisfying? Perhaps it is because, for the first time, the privilege that someone like Michael Gove wields, the Teflon-esque aura that protects prominent public figures and most right-wing politicians (because let’s face it, the left can’t even do so much as sip on a mojito without getting slammed), might be wearing just thin enough for them to suffer some sort of repercussion. The general populace seem to be slowly coming round to the idea that perhaps we shouldn’t operate on a ​“one rule for them, another for us”model of governance. Maybe the law should be… universally applied? Sorry, stupid thought I know, I’m trying to delete it.

But Gove’s little snow-capped folly has had consequences that for once, benefit the little man. Somehow cocaine usage has become an unlikely beacon of a strive towards legislation being applied without exception. And you can’t get more ​“oops!” than that.