Taken from the new print issue of THE FACE. Get your copy here.
What was it old Shakespeare said: the course of true love takes forever? Something like that. Amelia Dimoldenberg – presenter, comedian and Very Serious Journalist – knows all about it. She’s only been on a whopping 53 dates since her YouTube show, Chicken Shop Date, first aired in 2014.
But while she’s still single, don’t feel sorry for the 27-year-old Londoner: she’s romanced some of the UK’s biggest names – Aitch, Headie One, Jade Thirlwall, Slowthai and more – over a box of chicken nuggets and chips.
Hi, sorry, I’m just eating a biscuit.
A chocolate cookie.
You’re getting more famous by the day. How are you handling it?
Well, I was in the corner shop buying toilet roll and bin bags and there was a group of school kids who cornered me and stood in different aisles. I’m waiting for an eligible bachelor to recognise me on the street, but it hasn’t happened yet.
You’ve been on more than four dozen Chicken Shop Dates in seven years. Why are you still single?
Well, then I’d have to retire the show! Also, I’m extremely picky and haven’t met the one that has the whole package.
What are you looking for?
They have to know my name – sometimes that hasn’t been the case. They also need to be funny. Actually, no, they need to laugh at my jokes, that’s more important. And they need to like chicken nuggets.
How’s Drake doing?
He’s doing fine, I think. From what I can tell, he’s still rich and famous, and obviously obsessed with me. I ended up meeting him at Wireless Festival. It was unreal.
Did you cry?
I cried when I was on the phone to my mum telling her what happened. I left immediately after because I was overwhelmed.
It was a fleeting moment, but we hugged for what felt like forever. It was like he wasn’t real, like a hologram.
Are you sure it wasn’t a hologram, Amelia?
I’d like to clarify he was not a hologram.
What did he smell like?
The first thing I said to him was: “You smell amazing.” I don’t know what it was, probably like an Oud thing. He was also wearing these Van Cleef necklaces. He was bejazzled, and he looked like Drake.
What is your go-to pick up line, then?
Do you want to meet me in Morley’s?
Is that bad?
OK, fine. Maybe just: “Morley’s?”
Sometimes I’ll slide into the DMs with “Date?” and a chicken leg emoji.
You’re not known for being the best chef.
Have your culinary skills improved since you were on Come Dine With Me with Anthea Turner?
No. I think if anything they have gotten worse. I’ve got a show on YouTube, Amelia’s Cooking Show, and you’d think I would improve. But actually, I’ve lost skill since [I started] cooking more. I’m like the Benjamin Button of cooking.
Adele is back with a new album. Do you think she’d be a good date?
I’ve already reached out. I said: “Hello… @Adele it’s me! I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet… in a chicken shop for a date? Xxx.”
That sounds familiar.
Yeah, you might have heard it before. I tweeted her that and it got a really good response from everyone. But her.
What would you have in common?
We’re both blonde, love Stormzy and we have incredible voices.
No one’s heard mine, but I’m pretty Adele-level.
Gotcha. Who was your most significant ex, AJ Tracey
They are both really up there with people that I still think about daily. I can’t say, I still have nightmares about them. I mean dreams. Dreams about them.
Any worries at the moment?
Why I’m bloating after I eat a jacket potato. I love jacket potatoes so much but every time I eat them my stomach is in so much pain.
What’s your go-to topping?
Cheese, beans and butter with a side salad.