The Big Mood: Rory Stew­art sacked by text

One week, one mood: Moya Lothian-Mclean’s deep-dive into the feel of the week.

Objec­tive­ly, what is the most sav­age way to be dumped? Ghost­ing?27-sec­ond phone call with a Jonas Broth­er? Via text after serv­ing for a decade as a par­lia­men­tary rep­re­sen­ta­tive, just before you’re about to accept an award for GQ Politi­cian of the Year? 

Rory Stew­art, a jock­ey from 1920 who tum­bled through a time warp and found him­self a Deputy Gov­er­nor of an Iraqi province (it is nice, isn’t it, how much we have pro­gressed since the height of colo­nial­ism) announced on Tues­day that – along with 20 oth­er Tory rebels – he had been indeco­rous­ly boot­ed out of the herd of self-inter­est­ed twats col­lec­tive­ly known as the Con­ser­v­a­tive Par­ty”. All because he’d opposed Boris Johnson’s plans to push through a no-deal Brex­it by 31st October.

Stew­art declared this while receiv­ing a shiny tro­phy from GQ, appar­ent­ly for walk­ing a lot (seri­ous­ly, what has Rory Stew­art done? What has he actu­al­ly done? He has talked and he has walked and he has a ter­ri­ble vot­ing record but bar that, what the fuck has he achieved that would qual­i­fy him as Politi­cian of the Year? Burn it all down. All of it).

Did I feel sym­pa­thy? No, because he’s a Tory and if you’re a Tory in 2019 I have noth­ing in my emo­tion­al reserves to give. But who among us does not recog­nise the feel­ing of sud­den­ly real­is­ing that you’ve giv­en over a sig­nif­i­cant chunk of your life, your health, your ener­gy, your per­son­hood to a cause/​individual/​ideology that gives not one shit about you?

Being dumped by text is the ulti­mate dis­missal. It says: Your mea­gre val­ue to me has now been reduced to absolute zero and I don’t want to be in your phys­i­cal pres­ence again.” It says: I haven’t got enough respect for you to pick up the phone and inter­rupt my day for even two min­utes.” It says, sim­ply: CB-fuck­ing-A.”

This week was all about lack of respect. The PM try­ing to stage an out­right coup by basi­cal­ly can­celling Par­lia­ment. Michael Owen call­ing his for­mer foot­ball club – who paid him £120k a week – small timers, ignit­ing the ire of Alan Shear­er.

And now the for­mer Rt Hon Rory Stew­art. Uncer­e­mo­ni­ous­ly remind­ed of what we all have to learn at some point: respect your­self because no one else is going to do it for you. Big Mood.

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