In defence of fish thirst traps

It’s a dark day for the horny fishermen among us. To start with, the conditions for fishing are currently technically good, but practically terrible. While the creatures of our rivers, lakes and ponds might swim closer to the surface pre- and post-rain, no one wants to sit around in a soggy cagoule all day.

But more importantly, more shockingly, more inexplicably, the community is also currently being ostracised from the dating world. Soon, the only hook-ups in single fishermen’s lives will be on the end of their lines.

Maybe. Yesterday, Tinder announced a totalitarian ban on pictures of men holding fish on their profiles. Which, for any single fishermen angling to stay true to themselves, will exclude them from the app en masse. Apparently – and we can neither confirm nor deny this – such pics have been flooding the app for a while now. And pesca-phobic users are fed up with the phenomenon. In fact, a study by Tinder found that 92 per cent of singles got the ick whenever they came across a big catch while swiping.

Well, so what? If you ask us, a flat-out ban on fish thirst traps feels like an extreme measure to take against people proudly flaunting their wholesome hobby on the app. And think of the other eight per cent of users. If they’re hot for fishermen, how will they ever reel in the man of their dreams?

We can only assume that fishing selfies put the majority of singles off because they emit a certain type of vibe. The pastime is largely associated with masculinity, after all, and these men do tend to wear a lot of camo when waiting for something to take the bait. We regret to say this, but it’s not exactly the chicest hobby.

Yet as we learned from our interview with Chris Yates, the 74-year-old who, in 1980, caught the heaviest British carp, fishermen are actually quite gentle souls. ​“It’s definitely my way of communicating with the landscape,” he told us for our last issue. Yates even apologises to the fish he catches for interrupting their day, before carefully placing them back in the water. Sweet.

And when you think about it, you actually have to be extremely patient to spend a day waiting to catch fish that may never bite. It’s an inherently zen sport, one that gives you time to meditate while surrounded by nature and teaches you to calmly deal with disappointment. There’s no room for rage in the fishing boat. Just stoic peace and tolerance.

See, the reasons for dating fishermen are racking up quicker than you can cast your line. Stop the prejudice and take a chance. You’ll be hooked in no time.