Radical haterism with TikTok’s brutally honest agony aunt

“She’s like if Aristotle and Shakespeare were one person”; ​“Can I write you in as my presidential candidate in November?”; ​“Truly the best contemporary culture has to offer”. These are just a handful of the rave reviews you’ll find of Kay Poyer floating around online. Known to her followers as @ladymisskay_, this is a TikToker who has carved out a niche by dropping pockets of wisdom on the FYP, cementing herself as a straight-talking, slightly bitchy and extremely funny agony aunt for the digital age.

“I try to give advice that lands somewhere between something your older sister would say to you when she’s drunk and a crazy old woman,” says the 23-year-old, Zooming in from her home in Dallas, Texas. ​“The truth is, sometimes it is bad advice. But it’s fun advice.”

Many of Kay’s followers might disagree, though. A self-described hater, she’s built a following precisely because she has a knack for telling you exactly what you need to hear, in a way that’s so entertaining it softens the blunt force of brutal one liners such as ​“Are you doing it for the plot, or did you miss a dose?”

Take the viral video that earned Kay the nickname ​“Food Bank Lady”, for instance. A slightly disorientating, stream-of-consciousness soliloquy about the importance of eating properly when taking hormones, the video bounced around the internet and was eventually also interpreted as a PSA against eating disorders. As one follower put it: ​“This literally changed my life.”

But Kay didn’t necessarily set out to be the oracle of TikTok. Growing up, she was a theatre kid (“until they tried to make me sing”), developing her comedic skills as ​“a survival tactic – it was either that or be really fucking mean all the time, and being funny works a lot better.” After school, she moved to New York but eventually moved back to Dallas after falling out with her dad.

“I grew up privileged with an allowance and shit. After that, it was like, you’re on your own,” Kay says. ​“That was a really big switch up. But I also thought: well, I can do whatever now. I wasn’t allowed to have social media growing up – I had a secret Tumblr and that was it. So at that point, it was just like, everything sucks and you’re poor, but you’re also free. And so I just started posting.”

Kay currently works in retail, but has her sights set on a more glamorous and exciting career in the near future – maybe comedy, writing, acting or, basically, whatever opportunities come her way. For now, though, she’s diversifying her digital portfolio via her podcast Meat Bus and Substack, which she treats ​“as a public diary and nothing else.”

As for TikTok, Kay’s still posting uncalled-for agony aunt videos to keep you sound of mind, body and soul. Her latest advice? Stop being so selfish and nurture your friendships. Can’t argue with that.

Hey Kay! You have close to 300,000 followers on TikTok now. Do you feel famous?

No, I don’t think so. That’s a scary word!

OK, but do you want to be famous?

I don’t know. I’ve had people come up to me in public before and that’s cool – except when I’m at work, then I have to use my customer service voice. To me, fame is cool, but the part of it that I want is to get killed in a horror movie. And it’s a lot harder to do that when you’re not a little bit famous. The fame itself is not super important, it’s the ability to do the cool shit that comes with it. I don’t dream about money, I don’t like fancy shit or anything. I just want to get killed in a horror movie. I want it to be kind of campy, kind of funny, kind of glamorous. Fame comes with that, I guess.

Did you have big dreams as a kid? Actor? Pop star? Scientist?

Like, all of the above! I would like to be a jack of all trades, to a point where I am open to many opportunities and considered for many different projects. I don’t think I’ve ever had one fixed thing that I’ve wanted to do. I was really good at drawing as a kid, so people would say, ​“Oh, you’re going to be an artist.” I was like, ​“That’s stupid, I already know how to draw.” There’s something that feels ordinary about things I’m already good at.

Well, you’re pretty good at dishing out advice on TikTok. Do you deliver words of wisdom to your friends with the same theatricality and bluntness?

Kind of. I don’t use all the analogies and shit – I’m not trying to have my open mic time while I’m giving advice to a friend. I will be very blunt, but never in a mean way. I remember one friend who had really bad depression. He’s getting help for it [now], but there was a period of time when he would just come over to my house every day and talk about how depressed he was. I was like, ​“Babe, I love you so much, but I think you need to get a grip and think about other people a little bit more, because you’re in a death spiral thinking about yourself. Obviously get some help too, but also don’t think about yourself all day and you might feel better.” He came back a week later like, ​“That was some of the best advice I’ve ever gotten.”

You had a similar response to your ​“food bank” video, too, right?

Yeah, but I did not post that as a rallying cry to recover from eating disorders. I posted it because, for women like myself, if you’re on hormones, you do need to eat or the hormones are not going to work and you’re wasting money. But it was cool that people thought it was funny, and it helped them, you know, not starve, because I’ve been there, too. The advice videos definitely do the best. I used to do more characters and sketch videos, but I get pissed off when they go viral.

Why’s that?

I’m like, ​“Why do y’all like that silliness?!” I did one recently pretending to be a mean influencer wizard that’s really problematic, but then I got tired of it. I don’t like doing an extended bit. There’s people like Nathan Fielder and Terri Joe, whose whole thing is an extended bit, and that’s really powerful to be able to pull off. I don’t have it in me, I get pissed off.

Comedy still runs through most of your content, though. Are there any one liners you’re particularly proud of?

There was one in a video that didn’t even blow up. I was talking about how, even when, if you’re not keeping track of it, I never miss a full moon and a lot of people just also happen to see it. I was like, ​“No matter what’s going on, you’re gonna end up walking outside and seeing that big white bitch in the sky.” I really liked that. Because, like, wow, she really is like a big white bitch!

Galileo probably thought the same thing. You’ve also got a podcast Meat Bus, which you host with your friend Alex. What can you tell us about that?

I’ve been feeling lately that I want to do something that takes a little bit more effort, so the podcast [provides that]. You have to come to the table with ideas, it’s a way longer recording time and we’re also featuring underground artists, so there’s a lot of going out and listening to new music. We’re trying to curate a whole experience for our listeners. Also, with podcasts, if 10 people are listening, you’re successful – there’s a very low barrier to failure. People always say ​“Podcasting is dead, it’s oversaturated,” and it’s like ​“OK, so there’s no pressure to make a perfect one.” It’s been really cool so far.

How do you think you can change the world?

I think it’s very rare that one human really gets to change the entire world. But maybe there is a small pocket of the world that I can make laugh on a consistent basis. And maybe I can also introduce more people to a way of being kind of critical and kind of a hater, but in a less mean way. A more fun way where instead of hating and being bitter about everything, we can hate on stuff, laugh about it and maybe also see the good in it. Just inject a little laughter into whatever we’re doing. I don’t know if it changes anything, but it certainly is an important part of the human experience.