Dating apps are full of profiles stating their preferences for a potential partner, particularly when it comes to height. There are women who say that 6ft is their absolute height minimum for men; there are men who retaliate by putting a pass-agg “I’m 6ft because apparently that matters” in their bio.
The average height of women in the UK is actually 5’3, while men are typically 5’9. So the truth is, if you’re a woman who’s desperate to feel like a little petite doll, then really you just need someone a little bit taller than yourself – and there’s plenty of guys out there who fit the bill. But even if you’re looking for someone who’s exactly the same height as you, chances are you’ll end up matching with someone who’s a bit taller or shorter than you at some point in your dating career.
With these height preferences being so prevalent in our dating culture, it’s safe to assume that a lot of us have probably encountered awkward sex, purely on the basis that our sex parts aren’t anatomically aligned. If you love intense, eye-gazing, passionate kissing, for example, then you’re probably already more than aware that missionary position is pretty much impossible. Not to mention no one’s getting deep enough – that’s if you can even get it in to start with.
Don’t worry, though, because I’ve got some saucy solutions for you. One size definitely doesn’t fit all, but there are some sex positions that work better if you and your partner have height differences to figure out in the bedroom. Try these out and thank me later.
Why it’s so great: It doesn’t matter how tall or short either of you are, this position is guaranteed to work, plus you get maximum penetration. You’re also incredibly close to each other, even though you’re not face-to-face. The big spoon can kiss the small spoon’s neck and have at least one arm free to touch pretty much anywhere else on the rest of their body. That can mean touching genitals, holding their throat, or stroking their hair – whatever you prefer, really.
How to get into it: The person penetrating is the big spoon, so goes behind the little spoon and enters from behind. The little spoon can move higher or lower to accommodate any height differences. This is also a great position if you’re feeling a bit lazy!
Why it’s so great: Doggy gives you direct penetration without a buffer, which is great for G‑spot stimulation and the reason it can get so intense. Of course, traditional doggy only works if you match up in height, but if you don’t, all is not lost. There are some tricks you can try to achieve this stalwart position.
How to get into it: Instead of staying on all fours, the receiver, or “doggy”, can make themselves taller by laying their torso and arms as flat as possible on the bed while pushing their butt in the air, creating a sort of 45 degree angle. If you need to be shorter, try tucking your knees in further to your chest while flattening out your arms in front of you.
Why it’s so great: Height differences are never a challenge in this position. However tall or short you are, it’s always possible to sit on a dick. Plus, if you have a clitoris, then you get to control your orgasm better by grinding.
How to get into it: Literally just get on top, cowgirl/boy/they! But there’s a lot of effort involved with going on top, especially if you’re not used to pulling as much weight in the sack as perhaps you should. For maximum penetration and more success at hitting that G‑spot, try lifting yourself up with your feet. If you’re not a burpee queen, you can use your knees to propel yourself forwards (hot tip: put some pillows underneath them to help with any pain – it’ll keep you going longer).
There’s no right or wrong way to do this position. You can bounce up and down, or grind back and forth. Have fun with it. If you’re worried about how you look up there, I can assure you that your partner isn’t thinking about that – well, maybe they are, but only about how fit you look. They’ll be in the moment enjoying themselves and so should you. Just let it go.
Eagle (and its many guises)
Why it’s so great: This position is basically missionary upgraded. I have no problems with missionary, but unless you’re an exact height match with your partner, it generally doesn’t give you great penetration. Instead, it can hurt your neck and end up feeling like you’re being rutted to a boring death. Eagle is just a slightly tweaked version of the position, but it allows for people of varying heights to align their hips and get a better thrust going. It also gives any vulva owners a chance to get their grind on, while the person on top can actually see the penetration happening if they slow down and pull back a bit, which is unbelievably hot.
How to get into it: The person on the bottom lifts their legs in the air to make a “V” shape, creating a better angle for their vaginal opening or anus to be penetrated. The person penetrating can also lift the other one up to their hips for better alignment. There are actually a lot of variations of eagle, so there’s no hard and fast way to do it correctly. The person on the bottom can put their legs on the other person’s shoulders, or bend their legs at the knees and hold their thighs. Alternatively, the person on top could hold the other’s ankles, or the person on the bottom could cross their legs. It truly doesn’t matter, as long as it feels good for you both.
Why it’s so great: OK, so there are a lot of made up sex positions with silly names that involve using furniture, but most of them are essentially doggy or on top. Using furniture to enhance either position is great because it gives you lots of different height variations and additional leverage, so you don’t get tired out as quickly. Plus, mixing up the surface you’re fucking on is fun! No one wants a boring and predictable sex life.
How to get into it: This does take some investigating and experimentation on your part. I once had the most perfect sofa to do doggy on with my much, much shorter boyfriend – it was the only place we could do it. When I was a teenager, I discovered that my parents’ sofa was perfect for me to go on top, because it had just the right amount of bounce for me to not get tired.
In need of some inspiration? Arm chairs are perfect for climbing on top to do that grind-and-rock-back-and-forth kind of fucking. Kitchen islands are also great, as they tend to be higher than a bed and are therefore easier to bend over on. If you’re not posh enough for an island, try the stairs – a tried and tested method by yours truly.
Just give up on standing up sex. It’s never going to happen. Shower sex is actually pretty rubbish anyway – someone always ends up cold and gets water in their eyes. The best way to figure it out is to talk to your partner. Don’t be afraid to suggest something new and get stuck in.
Finally, if you’re really struggling, investing in a wedge pillow will help alleviate some height difference problems, as they’re ergonomically designed to tilt the receiver in directions that a couple of pillows on your bed simply can’t achieve.