What your favourite sex position says about you

You can never truly know someone until you’ve seen them at their most vulnerable: naked and post-orgasm.

To get to this point, you’ve usually learned a fair bit about them already, like what their name is, whether they have a bed frame, and, crucially, how they fuck. Because although someone’s sense of style and home decor tells you a lot about a person, you can learn a lot about them judging by their preferred sex position.

In some cases, what you’re faced with in the bedroom might come as a surprise. Are they a softie who loves a romantic spoon? A confident exhibitionist who’s at home on top? A charmingly clumsy experimentalist who’ll try anything once? A mix of all three?

Whichever category a person falls into, their sexual style can hint at their true personality.

I’m not technically qualified (in any sense of the word) to do anything other than pontificate based on my own life experience. So I’ve enlisted Gigi Engle, a certified sex educator and resident intimacy expert at dating app 3Fun, to give me an expert hand in trying to dissect what your favourite sex position says about you. Enjoy.

I know you want me to rinse people whose favourite position is missionary. You want me to tell them that they’re uninspiring, unadventurous and vanilla because they’ve been fucking the same way ever since they lost their virginity.

Sorry, but I’m not going to. Missionary is unfairly maligned. And if it’s your favourite position, you’re a revolutionary who refuses to bow down to societal pressure. As well as being a very versatile position, missionary famously prioritises intimacy – eye-contact, kissing, whispering – and gives you maximum pleasure with minimum effort.

What it says about you: You’re traditional and like the comfort of ease and familiarity. You’re also lazy, but, really, in this economy, who can blame you? As Engle says, if you’re the one being penetrated, you get to ​“lie back and don’t have to do the heavy lifting, so you’re clearly someone who knows what you want and how to get it”. Plus, she adds, missionary is a great position for people with clits, as you can ​“get a wand out during partnered sex, which can get you to orgasm quickly”. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Doggy is extremely hot, largely because it’s a porn staple, and porn depicts a sexual fantasy. But also because it’s animalistic, passionate and, for those doing the penetrating, comes with a particularly sexy view. People who are into doggy might also be more unromantic and favour uninhibited but unemotional sex. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. Sometimes all you want is a detached hottie (who’ll probably break your heart).

What it says about you: ​“This position means you like deeper penetration,” says Engle. ​“It can also mean you enjoy kinky, rougher sex. You definitely have a wild streak.” It’s also a good one on a hot day, if you’re averse to getting sticky, or if you’re simply repulsed by one another.

There’s lots of possibilities when it comes to standing sex: facing the wall, being held up against it, bending over a surface. Those who are into it are likely to be experimental. Maybe you like having sex at the spur of the moment in spontaneous but inconvenient places, like in an aeroplane bathroom or, er, your local Dominos.

What it says about you: ​“You enjoy novelty and adventure,” says Engle. ​“Standing sex is a great way to experiment with different positions and surfaces in the house – and you enjoy that.” I’d say if you’re versed in standing sex, you’re probably also jacked and have a regular squat routine. And, if this is your favourite position, you’ve likely never fucked someone who’s a wildly different height to you.

Although there’s no hard and fast rule against doing it in the evening, spooning sex is very much a morning activity. You’ve both just woken up, your breaths stink, one – or both – of you has a boner, and you’re already having a non-sexual spoon. So why not turn it into a quickie before work? It’s kind of a middle ground between missionary and doggy, too, which combines the intimacy of missionary with the titillating eroticism of doggy. A win-win.

What it says about you: ​“You enjoy the closeness you experience with your partner,” says Engle, ​“and prefer sweeter, gentler sex.” It’s intimacy-to-go. A little morning pick-me-up, but one that’s probably not going to be hugely memorable once you’re out the door. It’s also Tommy Fury’s fave position, so there’s that.

Cowgirl is essentially missionary for lazy men who like a show. It’s also a stage for exhibitionists to take control, flaunt what they’ve got, and watch their partner in ecstasy. Reverse cowgirl, however, is unnecessary work. It might look good for the person doing the penetrating, but it’s usually just a logistical headache for everyone else.

What it says about you: ​“You like being in charge and you’re not afraid to show it,” says Engle. ​“You know what brings you pleasure and like having the dominant position over your partner. You probably know your body really well and know how to get yourself to orgasm – and aren’t afraid to take the reins.”

You’ll try anything once, but you’re also naive. Maybe you’ve watched too much porn and/​or sex scenes. You’ve got a utopian idea of what shower sex could be and, even though you’ve never quite achieved it, you still say shower sex is your favourite position because it makes you sound interesting and spontaneous. But shower sex is clumsy and not-a-little perilous. So anyone who powers through with the knowledge they could slip over onto their arse at any given moment – in my book, worthy of at least some respect.

What it says about you: ​“You enjoy novelty and having sex in the shower can offer you something different from doing it in bed,” says Engle. ​“I’d also venture to say that you enjoy the intimacy and steaminess that comes with shower sex. And you probably aren’t a huge fan of cleanups. So this is a great way to get dirty and then get clean. You’re an adventure seeker.”

Everyone enjoys the occasional 69. But if this is your favourite position, you’re too indoctrinated into work culture and you need a holiday. You’re doing overtime. Let yourself selfishly receive the pleasure, then get busy returning the favour.

What it says about you: ​“You’re old school and enjoy getting pleasure while giving pleasure,” Engle says. ​“You know what you like. You’re probably a very visual person and enjoy being able to give your partner a great show while also getting off. You’re good at multitasking.”

If this is your bag, you’re likely in one of these situations: you’re in a long-distance relationship and have no choice on the matter; you’re still favouring a pandemic-proof way of fucking; or, simply, you’re a voyeur.

What it says about you: ​“You’re someone who enjoys intimate connection, but knows you don’t need to have full blown sex to get it,” says Engle. ​“You like the visuals of watching your partner touch themselves. You know your body really well and clearly are quite confident in your skin.” We should all respect the self-assurance it takes to be able to look someone in the eye while you wank.