The best sexy R‑rated rom-coms to watch right now

You probably don’t need me to tell you this, but there’s no pleasing the internet. Back in February, when Ashton Kutcher and Reese Witherspoon were doing press for their flop Netflix romcom, Your Place or Mine, everyone mocked their divorced parents vibes (myself included). We wanted chemistry, flirtation, rumours of a sordid affair.

And yet, when Sydney Sweeney and Glen Powell gave us exactly that as they filmed and promoted their upcoming romcom, Anyone But You, it turned out we didn’t actually want it at all. Or, at least, we didn’t want the juicy R‑rating (an 18 in the UK) that this kind of off-screen sexiness often comes with.

When its certification was announced, TikTok puritans complained that romcoms ​“shouldn’t be rated R” and that ​“some movies are basically just [porn] now”. And that’s a funny accusation to make, not only because plenty of rom-coms are rated R, but also because, aside from the excellent Bad Luck Banging or Loony Porn (which does, admittedly, contain actual porn), it doesn’t really seem like there’s more sex than usual in films these days.

In Hollywood, arguably, there’s less. Critics have partly put this down to the rise in internet porn, but also to the industry’s changing priorities, which shunned romcoms in the late ​’00s, opting instead for sexless blockbusters, or sex scenes that are hinted at sex rather than indulged in it. When sex has been explicitly depicted lately, say in Blonde or Euphoria, it’s been more about sleaze or degradation than hedonistic pleasure.

Sex scenes in a romcom are likely to be more fun, romantic, and actually hot – something we desperately need. Sex isn’t separate from romance or comedy, anyway. If anything, it’s intrinsic to both of those things.

So, in honour of all the #discourse, and because the romcom is finally emerging from its flop era, here are some R‑rated romantic comedies you should whack onto your watch list ASAP.

Lesbian classic But I’m A Cheerleader recently turned 20 and, as well as being honoured by innumerable thinkpieces, it also inspired what I think of as 2021’s best single, MUNA​’s Silk Chiffon. In the music video, Phoebe Bridgers plays the role of a conversion therapy camp leader. But I digress: this satirical romcom tells the story of Megan Bloomfield (Natasha Lyonne), a high school cheerleader who’s sent by her parents to a conversion therapy camp to ​“cure” her gayness. But – surprise! – it doesn’t quite work out how they’d hoped. As conversion therapy still isn’t banned in the UK (despite years-long promises to outlaw it), But I’m A Cheerleader ridicules the absurdity of both the practice and heteronormativity more broadly. It’s also just very camp and stars RuPaul, which is all any good romcom needs.

Okay, this isn’t a romcom in the traditional sense. There’s no will-they-won’t‑they, no Disney-style kiss at the end and, actually, it starts with a break-up. But it is about platonic love and self-love, so I reckon it counts. Directed by Noah Baumbach and co-written by him and Greta Gerwig, Frances Ha follows protagonist Frances Halladay (Gerwig), a directionless dancer who’s navigating the all-too-familiar turbulence of late-20s life in New York, with no money and poor prospects. She floats further adrift when her relationship with her best friend and platonic soulmate Sophie becomes strained. If it sounds a bit like Girls, that’s because it is, only more charming and playful. There’s fast-talking, quirky, chaotic female characters, genius dialogue, and, er, Adam Driver.

If you thought the topic of suicide wouldn’t make for a good rom-com, you can, apparently, think again. The aptly-titled Wristcutters: A Love Story follows a traditional boy-meets-girl format, only it happens in an afterlife limbo exclusively inhabited by those who’ve taken their own lives. Romantic! Funny! The cult film starts as protagonist Zia takes his own life and enters into said afterlife, in which everything’s the same as real life, just a bit shitter. When he finds out his girlfriend also ended her life shortly after his death, Zia goes on a mission to find her – but meets someone else on the way. Sure, the film could offer a deeper, more intelligent examination of suicide, but that’s not really the point. Even with its ghoulish premise, Wristcutters manages to be whimsical and life-affirming; a romantic road-trip movie like no other (probably for the best).

If you want your rom-coms ​“cutesy and full of fluff”, Spike Lee​’s career-launching She’s Gotta Have It won’t be for you. But if you like your rom-coms to be groundbreaking and full of sex, then you’re in the right place. Lee’s debut tells the story of Nola Darling, a Brooklyn-based artist who’s dating three men at once, each of whom wants her for himself. Although she’s proudly chosen to reject monogamous romance in favour of personal freedom, things get messy (and sexually violent, in a scene Lee has since said he regrets shooting) when the three men meet. The director’s frank depiction of polyamory, as well as Black sexuality and women’s sexual liberation, was revolutionary at the time, as was his portrayal of the Black experience in general. Once you’ve inhaled this film, there’s also a Netflix serial adaptation to contend with, this time set in 2016. It’s still set in Brooklyn, so expect some gentrification.

The Worst Person in the World has all the hallmarks of a 2020s romcom: protagonist in her late twenties who writes short stories about feminism and oral sex, discarded love interests who are into social justice and political incorrectness, and, of course, shrooms. But the Norwegian film is anything but a cliché. It tells the story of Julie, the aforementioned writer and student, who, probably during her Saturn Return, embraces the eruption of her life when she breaks up with her boyfriend and enters into a new, turbulent romance. It’s tender, devastating, exhilarating and bewitching. A definite sign that we’re finally re-entering a rom-com boom.

Ah, Thatcher’s Britain, with its staunch nationalism, individualist ideals and obsession with privatisation. The perfect backdrop for a romantic comedy, right? My Beautiful Laundrette is set in London in the mid-’80s and, via protagonist Omar Ali, explores the complex (sometimes hostile, sometimes comical) relationships between the city’s Pakistani and English communities. Thatcherism sits at the film’s centre, shaping each character’s experience of identity and belonging in different ways, following Omar as he gets a job managing his uncle’s run-down laundrette. After a violent run-in with a former-schoolmate, Johnny, who also happens to be a former lover and current fascist, Omar offers him a job. The pair reconcile their romantic relationship, and Johnny, thankfully, gives up on fascism. But as you might expect, it’s not all smooth sailing. My Beautiful Laundrette was even nominated for an Oscar – it didn’t win, but that’s a rare feat for a rom-com, let alone a queer one in the ​’80s.

In 2005, social media was still in its infancy. And yet, in her debut feature, Me and You and Everyone We Know, Miranda July made a film about the loneliness of the digital age. She also foreshadowed catfishing, by showing how children can effectively utilise the internet to become better pick-up artists than their parents (that explains the R‑rating). A series of subplots featuring an intertwined cast of characters, the film is a poetic, charming tale about people looking for love, whether, naively and without intention, via the internet, through sexual exploration, or in tender, nervous, spontaneous meetings. It’s a dreamy, offbeat romcom about the fragility of human connection – and it’ll leave you feeling all warm and fuzzy afterwards, even though it’s, you know, ​“not vanilla”.